Saying "No" To Your Children
There’s a programme over here called You Are What You Eat, where a ‘Celebrity Nutritionist’ takes your entire weekly diet and piles it on a table in front of you.
Usually it’s a stark wake-up call that you’re eating too much, or you’re eating the wrong things. Either way, the message is that something’s wrong and needs to change.
With that in mind, what if someone followed you around for a week, and noted down every time you handed out a negative comment to your children? Count in statements that begin with “Don’t…”, “Stop…” or simply “No”. Feel free to add your personal favourites to the list.
I’ve been watching this around our house recently and it’s making me feel bad about the way we’re guiding the kids. Does everything have to be negative? Of course not. Maybe you simply fall into a rut and don’t recognise the signs.
It’s good to recognize the behaviour in the first instance. The next step (I think) is to start guiding the children in a different way. You know stop talking down and start addressing them from their level. Start to suggest alternatives to naughty behaviour and maybe chat with them about why something isn’t working, or why someone made them angry.
I didn’t need a celebrity nanny to tell me we’re going overboard on the orders around our house. We’ll be trying to be less dictatorial about things from now on.
Has anyone else experienced this? What have you done about it, and what alternatives have worked for you?
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Being fairly new parents (15 months) my wife and I have made a deliberate choice to use the word “no” only when necessary. Instead, we’ll say things like “That’s not safe. Let’s go over here.” We only use the word “no” when it’s an immediate danger.
On the flip side, I got into the habit of saying “Good Girl” or “Good Boy” (we have boy/girl twins) whenever they would do something good. My wife pointed out that they should always see themselves as a good boy or girl so we made an effort to say “good job” instead.
Thats a good point Matthew. I got into the habit of telling my kids they were the best girl/boy in the world. That was fine until we had a second son, then it became difficult!
I agree. We always seem so negative too but I hope that changes as the kids get older our oldest is 6. It’s frustrating.
Discipline is about guiding your child to make proper choices on his own. When parents set limits on a young child’s behavior—to teach them what is appropriate and what is not—it may often seem like the focus is solely on the negative. What I did when my kids were little and something I wrote about in my book, Keepers of the Children, is to follow a negative with a positive alternative. For instance, if you catch your child writing on the wall, say firmly, but lovingly, “In our house, we do not write on walls, but here’s a piece of paper. Make the picture again for me and I’ll hang it on the wall.” This way, you set limits, teach kids appropriate behavior, while keeping their little spirits and sense of play intact.
Cheers All: – Foound looking for christmas word searches for kids. Good blog!!