The Pursuit Of Daddy Tax
If you’re a new parent, I – as an old hand in the business – am going to teach you an important concept today. That concept is Daddy Tax.
Kids get so much cool stuff, and grandparents especially seem to love pouring sugary confectionery down your children’s throats. I’ve noticed that while they’re happy to shower gifts of candy upon the youngsters, we adults are not so lucky.
Enter ‘Daddy Tax’ – a levy applied to all sweet foods your offspring come in contact with. Packet of crisps? I recommend 1-2 crisps from each child. Sweets? Depends on the size, but 2-3 is acceptable daddy tax. The beauty of this scheme is that the more kids you have, the more goodies you get. You are now officially the government of your house!
Just remember, cakes and buns are non-taxable because they’re not easily divisible. You could take a bite, but you might as well get your own.
And before any of you complain that daddy tax is cruel, just remember that by absorbing a proportion of sweets and crisps, we are helping keep our children healthier. That’s right. It’s a noble form of self-sacrifice.
If you’re a new parent, you want to implement this scheme right away. Children respond better to the notion of daddy tax if it’s implemented early. Leave it too late and you’ll experience hostility and reluctance to hand over the goods.
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“We are helping keep our children healthier” Absolutely… great daddy tax…Well what about people “who don’t want to pay tax” LOL
Lol! This is a fantastic idea!!
(Blogging Chicks)
Daddy tax is all well and good, but i prefer the “saving the life” method. Tell your child that a certain crisp or sweet maybe poisonous and you have to eat it to check. That way your child is relieved that they are safe and Daddy is the hero. You are one sweet or crisp up, result.
I love this concept. I will start applying Daddy Tax immediately, thank you!
We call this the parental surcharge – it’s not taxation without representation- it’s just good business !
Hee hee hee…
I was telling my kids about the daddy tax and they just wouldn’t believe me. Now that I read this to them off the internet, it must be true, and what a better time to make them believers………..Halloween time !!!!!!!!!!!
I like to check tasty-looking treats for poison. It’s the kind of self-sacrificing mum I am.
I tried this with my son a few months ago… and he said I couldn’t have any because I’m fat!
I probably would have been more peeved off if he hadn’t of said it so matter-of-factly (and I hadn’t been laughing my head off)
While I can see the humour in this I feel compelled to mention that providing children with sweets, crisps and other sweet things/artificial snacks is detremental to their health and should be avoided. Fruit is sweet enough to satisfy a childs’ cravings and far healthier.
Ha! I thought I was the only one who did this! My son is 5 and I have been doing something similar ever since he was a baby. But I call it my “commission.” Same exact concept as yours. I have successfully extended “commission” to my wife as well. If she makes me get up to grab a snack for her in the fridge, or go out in the middle of the night to satisfy a snack craving, I’m taking my commission out of it – up to 30% depending on the difficulty. It’s a sliding scale.
as a next generation dad…yes i come from a long line of dads, this alternate method was passed down to me, it requires much more sacrifice! when ice cream was involved my father said he bought me some but we would have to share, the problem came around when he would want his share first which understandbly was on the bottom and he would have to eat through mine to get to his
This made me laugh – in recognition. We tax … and my parents taxed me!
I’m not sure I like the idea of spousal tax though. My crisps are mine.
I love that idea!!! I will call it a parent tax so that I can get some of the spoils too.
What a great idea — may have to start implementing this at home!
This is an excellent idea! I’m definitely going to try it at home…
I apply the daddy tax as I see fit. I have been known to take a bite of their hamburgers, a couple of fries, some of their popcorn, whatever.
I also have another tradition that the kids love. On the rare occasion that they take a box lunch to school, I take a bite out of the sandwich. The first time that happened, the kids asked “Why’d you do that, dad?”
“It’s to remind you that I love you and I’m thinking of you,” I replied.
Now, any time I pack them a sack lunch, they actually ask me to take a bite of their sandwich before I pack it.
Ozzy, that’s a nice touch. I’ve noticed that too – the kids sometimes just offer the Daddy Tax in advance these days. And who are we to refuse the generosity of our children?
What a fun idea to educate children on eating properly. With adult onset diabetes increasing we all need to start setting guidelines at home at a young age….di