Rachel At 10

My daughter – my eldest child – turns 10 years old in a few days.

Of course, she’s precocious beyond her years. Ten going on teenager, really. But I think it’s fun when they’re this age to sit and reflect on their journey. After all, it’s been a decade.

I remember when she was a baby, I’d come home from work in the afternoon and go for a nap with her. I’m sure it started off as me giving her mum a break, but we’d ultimately settle on the bed and she would fall asleep in the crook of my arm. It was a standing arrangement.

Of course all of that was in a different house, fifteen miles away, a decade ago. So much has changed in the meantime. She’s had two brothers. She’s joined classes. She’s made friends.

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Cycling with Rachel

I had quite a Rachel-centric day today. Rachel’s our 8 going on 18 year old, a very knowing, witty and fun little girl to be around. She’s definitely picked up my sarcastic streak, and had a great knack of using it to comic effect.

First off, I came down to start breakfast with the kids. We’re trying to be better about getting up on time on weekend mornings, because the kids often slope downstairs and stuff themselves while we sleep. I mentioned in passing that I was going for a cycle, and Rachel invited herself along.

We saddled up our bikes and headed out into the country. There’s a nice, circuit that takes us out past the fields and back into town. We come back in via the biggest shop in town and pick up a paper. I was really impressed with how well she did. No stopping for breaks, no struggling with the uphills. I’d actually chosen a shorter route, thinking she wouldn’t be able for it, but damn the little girl did good!

She babbled the whole way around, which is one of the best things about doing one-on-one activities with your kids. And when we go this particular route, she always remembers a day when she was tantruming like a pro. I took her for a long walk and it really calmed her down. So now she thinks nature has fantastic relaxing properties. She might be right.

When we got back, we got stuck into our latest project. Yes, after too many hours of watching iCarly, coupled with watching her mum and dad blogging, Rach wanted to start her own website. We agreed to sit down and work out a domain name and set her up with a website. So, we sat in front of a domain name checker and thought up a few ideas. Once we came up with a good one, we registered it and then mucked about on some fonts websites looking for something cool for her ‘logo’.

It sounds ill-conceived, but we’ve had a talk with her about online security. What we’re going to do is allow her to write articles: book reviews, research and things like that. All those odd questions that crop up in her little head – she can research the answers and write an article for other people to read. It’ll be fun for her and educational. It might even form part of our plan for keeping the kids amused during the summer holidays!

Back to my main point though, which is that one on one time with the kids is a precious thing. I’m going to try cycling out with Jay as well to see how he fares. It could be a good way to keep fit and keep the kids busy. Plus, when you’re out of the house with them, away from distractions like that, they open up to you and talk about everything with you. It’s great!

Communion

Rachel did her First Holy Communion yesterday, the high point of a long week of preparing the house for invasion by relatives. We are anti-houseproud. We just don’t care. Except on special occassions, then we rush around like mad things painting, decorating, cleaning and tidying.

My week has been consumed with refreshing the woodstain on our fences. They were looking especially weather-worn after we skipped a couple of years on the fencecare regimen. It took three, maybe four, days and encompassed the garden shed, which was recently discovered to have housed an entire civilisation of mice during the winter. (note: never leave newspaper in your shed – it’s great bedding material for furry critters).

In a stroke of minor genius, I took this opportunity to finally ruin a pair of jeans I should’ve thrown out months ago. Nothing like splatters of woodstain to finish off old clothing.

We both ended up in a minor frenzy because we had to put work on the back-burner for much of the preparation, then with house guests on Friday and Saturday night – our busiest night of the week, work-wise – we got next to nothing done. And when you’re self-employed, not getting any work done is a big cause for concern!

In the midst of it all, the Communion thing happened. Regular readers of this blog will know that I’m an out-and-out atheist. But that aside, I know how much of a milestone Communion is – it’s one of the first big events you experience along with the rest of your class. You’ve got a little bit older.

I remember my own Communion. Being made to stand with various classmates who I may or may not have been close to and adopt a pious joined-hands pose. The horror-story styles of early 80′s country town fashion will be evident in those photos. Thankfully, Rachel’s attire was an elegant and timeless design, so she may not be as mortified when she looks back.

They do Communion a little differently these days though. No mention of transubstantiation – the idea that the bread and wine literally become the body and blood of Christ. I was a little taken aback by this during the ceremony. I’d teased the kids about eating skin earlier in the week and they’d given me blank stares. Now I know why. I don’t know why they’ve dropped the references to “This is my body”, perhaps so as not to gross out the children, I can’t say. I do think it’s a total cop-out though, as the whole idea of Communion is that they’re ready to receive the sacrament. They should surely be ready to understand the core belief that the priest ‘magically’ transforms the bread into flesh during that ceremony.

But ho-hum, let’s drop the atheist agenda for a moment. It was still a lovely day for Rachel. She had her highs and lows, as you’d expect – lots of excitement and adrenaline in the early part of the day. I actually warned her that she’d get really tired, really quickly. She did. Some diva-behaviour ensued. I think like Lisa and myself, having a housefull of guests is bittersweet. It’s lovely to see folk and spend time with them, but there’s literally nowhere in your house that’s peaceful.

And in the end, we barely saw Rachel after we returned home. While we were busy with the adult guests, she was enjoying the bouncy castle we’d hired for the back garden and receiving visits from her friends. Today’s been so placid by comparison – after the last of the overnighters went home, we did some tidying and finally relaxed. I found myself sitting on the stairs (coolest – literally the coolest – spot in the house) reading a magazine. The Communion co-incided with a heatwave. And while the blue skies are a joy to look at, it’s three-showers-a-day hot around here!

Next week: getting back to normal. And working out what the hell we’re going to do during the summer when we’re working from home and the kids are off school.

An epic tantrum!

Rachel had a memorably epic meltdown a couple of days ago. We’d gone to one of the local outlet shopping centers where there’s a Subway that we frequent. Afterward, we let the kids run round the pirate park for a while to burn off some of that excess energy.

Before we went, Lisa and I wanted to pop into Next to look at a few new clothes – you know how the children always come first in clothes shopping when everything you own is misshapen and ugly. Time to buy a couple of new shirts.

At first we browsed around in peace. I picked up a couple of nice shirts, Lisa found some new jeans and stuff. The kids followed around in fine fettle, tolerating the experience but not exactly loving it. Until Rachel spied a little pink hat, that is.

The hat itself was a bright pink, a kind of woven material with a couple of garish feathers attached to the front of it as some weird kind of decoration. It had an elastic band to attach it to your head, and oh…it was tiny. It actually was a better fit for the teddy bear Rachel had brought with her than it was for Rachel. The hat was clearly a novelty item or one of those little pieces a girl might wear to draw attention to herself. In other words, it was more of a toy than a serious fashion item.

Naturally, Rachel wanted this for herself. We initially said no. It’s not our policy to encourage impulse buys, but I guess with Christmas just behind us, the message had been forgotten somewhat. So, I asked how much it was. “Only £44,” came the reply. Well, I laughed before I had time to control myself! “£44? Do you know how much money that is, Rachel? Absolutely not,” I told her.

The tantrum began about a nanosecond after that. It wasn’t fair. She never got anything shewanted (despite the fact that the boys were happily following us along without making a single request). She started trying to hide in the shop, and I followed her – partly to make sure she didn’t get lost or abducted (it was a busy shop) and partly because I thought the comedy value of being followed around would shake her out of her tantrum.

Nope, no such luck! Eventually, I had to take her by the hand and lead her out of the shop where we waited for Lisa to finish. But she grumbled and complained the entire way home. At one point I lost my cool and told her not to make any more noise, because she was grounded for Friday and she’d be grounded even more if she kept talking. When we got home, she was sent straight to bed to think over her behaviour.

The next morning, I came downstairs to discover she was already awake. But instead of trying to raid the house for goodies, she’d made herself a bowl of Weetabix. Clearly she was on a charm offensive! The behaviour being much improved, we both talked to her individually. I had a chat to her today about how she didn’t really need the hat and that sometimes we – as her parents – were going to refuse to buy things, either because they cost too much money, or she didn’t need them or we simply might not think having that item was in her best interests.

It’s not often she has these volcanic meltdowns, but when she does, they can be a mixture of funny and frightening! But in the main, there’s no point trying to talk to her about it until she’s regained her composure.

How do you guys handle tantrums in your family?

How to stop your child’s friendship deteriorating?

What do you do when you notice your child’s friendships breaking down?

Do you intervene, do you try to get them to talk it out? Do you try to get them to spend time apart? Do you mind your own business and be there to pick up the pieces?

Rachel (who’s only 7 years old, remember) is having quite a bit of friction with her best friend of the last 3 or so years. The other little girl is quite introverted and likes to keep Rachel to herself. She’s not keen on the two of them mixing with other kids, although we try to make sure Rachel has other options.

But over the last few months, Rachel’s friend has become quite snappish. She stops listening to her and becomes irritable for no aparent reason. She’ll insist on playing games that she wants, but will leave if she doesn’t get her way.

We know that that all of this upsets Rachel greatly. And the continuing tension between the two hasn’t been great for her. She’s become touchy, so the least negative comment to come out of her friend’s mouth is usually taken in a bad way rather than ignored.

Tonight, we took our three children plus three of their friends to the park for a bit of fun. All went well until the pair had another argument. Rachel’s friend became withdrawn and introverted, but we later caught her conspiring with the other little girl we’d brought (another friend and neighbour) to play together exclusively. I took all three together and explained how hurtful it was to exclude a friend in that way, and to do it in such an obvious manner, whispering with each other in our presence!

Lisa tells me it’s not the first time this little girl has tried manipulating another friend of theirs to get back at Rachel. It’s quite a sneaky way of behaving – our own kids probably aren’t beneath using this technique! I know there are probably mitigating factors: she’s an only child, her parents split a few years ago. But while we’re sympathetic, what’s the best way to resolve this?

This relationship gets more fraught with each passing day. We’re trying to help Rachel expand her circle of friends with other kids in the street and with occassional playdates with friends from school. If we had our way, we’d make sure the pair spent less time together and perhaps learned to appreciate their friendship more.

So, have you experienced this problem? Any advice, ideas, recommendations, would be really welcome!

Liar Liar

You know the old schoolyard saying, “Liar Liar, pants on fire!” Well, Rachel came up with a wacky variation this evening: “Liar Liar, pants for hire.”

I don’t know where it came from but I was slightly shocked and wildly amused at the wit in the saying. I’m assuming it came from a cartoon or something, because it’s not the type of thing she’d just come up with.

Rachel’s first grey hair

Rachel got her first grey hair the other day, which is bizarre for a 7 year old, isn’t it?

Actually, Lisa noticed a few weeks ago while brushing her hair for school, but never got around to blogging about it. That’s the thing about this mum/dad blogging malarkey – if you don’t write it down, it’ll get forgotten about. But enough lamenting the forgotten tales of our parenthood…

She came running over to show me this silver strand of hair in the middle of her head. It was bizarre to look at – really strange to see someone so young sprouting grey hair. I’m thinking of nicknaming her the Silver Surfer or something equally grannytastic. Suggestions for nicknames will be gratefully appreciated!

Now for the scandalous part. A few days after the initial discovery, Rachel came running up to me with the offending hair in her hand! Baffled, I asked her how her hair had come out, and she told me her mum had plucked it out. What? All those old wives tales about plucking a grey hair out and two more taking its place?

So this could be the start of an interesting experiment! Will Rachel develop an epidemic amount of grey hair? Will we have to add extra hair dye to the household budget? Watch this space, my friends!

The perks of being the eldest child

Lisa and I are both the eldest children in our respective families. Both of us can remember that there are special perks associated with being the eldest.

In my case, every Saturday night, my Dad would slip out of the house and bring back fish suppers for him and my Mother, then they’d call me down as well for my share. My two sisters would be innocently sleeping upstairs while I, the eldest, was able to munch away on junk food. And I don’t think they ever found out!

Lisa remembers similar benefits of being the oldest daughter in her house. The getting to stay up late, special treats, and an extra special bond with her Mother were some of the perks she had.

We find the tradition is continuing into our time as parents. We’re sitting in the house tonight, watching TV and drinking a nice bottle of red wine. At one point, the munchies hit us, and I fired up the chip pan to make a quick, unhealthy snack. As I was making it, I could hear a bit of bumping about upstairs and surmised that Rachel was still awake. She’s been reading herself to sleep lately, but tonight she was obviously still wide awake and messing around in her room.

So, I hissed up the stairs “…are you still awake? Come out here now!” She wasn’t even remotely worried about being in trouble, so I asked her if she fancied some chips. She bolted down the stairs in case I changed my mind, and I presented her with a small plate already libarally sprinkled in vinegar. She dashed into the living room and nestled herself between Lisa and I and munched away while Lisa caught up on Dancing On Ice.

The whole time, she wittered away, chatting about the show. She loves Dancing On Ice, and she was happy to babble and talk away. Sitting there in her stripy pajamas, Rach was in her element, all smiles and giggles until it was time for bed again, then she disappeared again without too much fuss.

Isn’t it great being the eldest? Do you have any memories of times your parents gave you a treat?

A Walk With Rachel

It seems I hardly spend much time with Rachel. If I’m going out somewhere, it’s usually the boys who come with me, and mostly Daniel.

So, how surprised was I when I suggested she come out for a walk with me, and she didn’t go absolutely nuts. Normally, such an innocuous request would be met with a fit of hysterics, making it pointless to even bother dragging her out the front door. But on Sunday, she placidly nodded her head and said, “Yeah, it’d be nice to get some fresh air.” Then wandered off to get her coat.

Normally, I take a fairly long walk out round the fields where we live, so I took her in that direction. We rambled down the road, intermittently chatting and sometimes falling into silence. Rach was busily inspecting the changes in the countryside because of the impending winter – I showed her the apple trees where the crab apples were rotting on the ground where they’d fallen weeks ago.

She spent an inordinate amount of time ripping ivy leaves from the trees and chucking them at me, but was a little more intrigued when we took a walk down to the old railway tracks. We had a nosey around underneath the bridge and she spent some time craning her neck to see further up the tracks.

Later, when we were walking back into town, she sweet-talked me into an impromptu trip to the park, where she played until the threat of rain became too great. Watching her play in the park reminded me of the times I took her to the park as a baby, pushing her on the swings and counting to 10 each time, her giggling all the time. And now, she’s more than half my height, looking up at me with smiling brown eyes and chatting away easily.

I like to try and spend a little one-on-one time with each of the kids now and again. Sometimes when they’re all together, they’re frenzied, noisy and it’s impossible to get them to sit still long enough to chat to. When you get them seperated from the pack, you get a chance to get to know them, and it’s surprising some of the stuff they’ll chat about – friends, school, things that are going on within the family.

Does anybody else do this kind of thing?

Rachel In The Morning

This is one for you, Rachel. You’ve always been an early bird, and since you’ve been able to tip-toe down the stairs, we’d frequently wake to the sound of your TV programmes and find you comfy on the sofa enjoying some time to yourself.

During the week though, I’m always up ahead of you. But you have an uncanny knack of knowing when I’m awake and I’ll hear ‘Dad’ whispered from the top of the stairs while I’m making toast. When I hear my name, I always put on a couple of extra slices just for you.

I was just about to head out the door this morning when I heard your whispered greeting from the top of the stairs. You emerged from the darkness, bleary eyed and fuzzy haired and we had a beautiful hug at the bottom of the stairs. There’s nothing like getting a big hug from your little girl first thing in the morning to send you off in a good mood.

So, I went out into the rain and you came to the window to wave me off. Until you saw ‘Swissy’, your adopted cat that now seems to live under the car. He/she appeared as soon as I opened the front door, and as I drove off, you had your head out the living room window chatting to your new friend.