Happy Birthday Jakey! (or Seven Years Gone)

I have hazy memories of the day Jake was born. Most of it centers around me, in the afternoon, walking out of the hospital to a nearby KFC to get something to eat. Bizarrely, I can’t remember whether he was born at that point or not, just that the darkening skies chose that point to open. As I returned to the hospital, lightning flashed across the sky above the building, and heavy, warm rain started to descend on me.

I think I was wearing a white shirt, which implies that I’d gone to work that morning. Had I? I can’t recall. It’s shockiing how quickly the details start to get blurry.

It reminded me at the time of that episode of Only Fools and Horses where Del’s first son was born and Rodney was convinced that he was the devil. Especially when they called him Damien.

In the maternity ward, a photographer often comes around to take pictures of the newborns for their parents. In Jake’s first picture he looks like a little tough guy, eyes seemingly squinting up at the lens. Funny, that’s not how he turned out at all – he’s a sweet kid who’s battling what used to be a crippling shyness. He’s smart, funny, affectionate and handsome as hell. He’s absorbed with arts and crafts and every single day last year he returned from school with some paper invention he’d created in his breaktimes.

He’s just gone to bed, but he’s had a great birthday. On his second birthday, Jake actually hid under the dining room table and cried when his cake came out and friends and family sang Happy Birthday. That’s the kind of shyness that’s been typical of him up to now. But he’s becoming more confident, finding ways to make in-roads with new people and not being frozen in fear when he encounters new people.

This year, he was happy to be the center of attention and relished it whenever I bounced downstairs this morning and sang Happy Birthday to him. He even asked Lisa for an encore performance later in the day. And why not, it’s your day Jakey, you’re a wee sweetheart! Happy birthday, son.

Spain: Stranded in Alicante!

We just got back from a two-week holiday in Spain. I’m planning a full write-up of some of the stuff we got up to on holiday, but first I want to share the biggest disaster of the holiday.

We’d hired a car for the fortnight. Driving in Spain is pretty straightforward, and I really enjoy being able to go further afield from wherever we’re staying. Renting a car is the smart thing to do, and we’ve done it about four times now.

However, on this occasion, we’d decided to head for the town/city of Alicante. It was the biggest thing on all the road signs where we’d been travelling, so we figured that there must be something worthwhile seeing there. Sadly, when we got to Alicante, we followed the signs for the Gran Via, assuming it to be the city centre. Disappointingly, there was nothing notable to see there. Nothing at all. It was just a big, hot built-up city.

After getting frustrated about our inability to find anything remotely interesting, we stopped at a service station to refuel. We both did a double take at the pump to make sure we were choosing the right juice for the car – we were worried about putting the wrong fuel in and wrecking the engine.

So, you’ll appreciate the irony when we drove out of the station, got down the road and conked out at a roundabout. Hmm, first time I’d stalled a car in ages. So I tried again. The engine started just fine, but conked out when I tried to put in in gear. Tried again. And again. It kept conking out.

We eventually managed to get the car to move long enough to get it into a side street. So what’s wrong? Did we put in the wrong fuel after all? Not possible. Let’s check the obvious stuff – what about oil and water? Well, that was easier said than done – could we find a switch to open the hood? No. And the instruction manual was in Spanish. But after a while, I found a diagram showing that the lock was actually hidden behind the Ford logo.

Once I’d gotten the hood open, it didn’t take long to realise that it was out of water. But…we were in the middle of a residential neighbourhood, and it was siesta time.

Hold on! There’s a fountain at the roundabout nearby! We can get some water from there!

So, off I set to the roundabout armed with a small water bottle, and a beach bucket covered in sand. I skipped through the afternoon traffic and filled up at the fountain. Even that wasn’t enough to fill the water levels up enough. We’d discovered by that point that there was a Chinese restaurant nearby, so I went there for more water. Thankfully, they were open and they spoke English! I can speak un poco de Espanol, but not enough to explain car faults.

In the end, we got the engine running again. Hooray! But we’d seen enough of the tower blocks of Alicante. And in fear of our car letting us down again, we decided not to go back into the city, just to drive back to Villamartin where we were staying.

And to this day, we don’t know if we actually missed out on a golden opportunity in Alicante. Did we? If you’ve holidayed in Alicante, why not tell us what we’ve missed.

Connections, Reconnections

It’s been a funny old week in our house. We’re got a house guest, we’ve had a very uneventful 10th wedding anniversary and we’ve attended an old friend’s wedding.

Incidentally, for those of you approaching a 10th wedding anniversary, you’ll be pleased to know that it’s known as the “tin” or “coal” anniversary. Nothing more prestigious that that. Sorry.

Since I’m not a fan of birthdays, anniversaries or other ‘special’ days created to sell greetings cards, I don’t get into gifts and cards the way I’m expected to. Saying that, at least I remembered it this year. We both have a habit of forgetting our wedding anniversary, so when I reminded Lisa at 3pm on the 1st July, she was raging with herself. Yes, she’d been hoping to catch me out, but had forgotten as well!

The very next day we had a wedding to attend. It comprised a crowd that we haven’t hung around with much since our carefree university days. We kind of drifted away from them. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly why, but as one of the first couples in that group to get married, we quickly arrived at the “dirty nappies and sleepless nights” stage. Those things that the still-carefree friends couldn’t really relate to.

Now and again, we’d end up at an event with some of these people and reconnecting with them would be great fun. They’ve kind of aged in a different way to us, and they seem in the main to be quite a warm, tight-knit little community. It kind of makes you yearn for the same thing.

At the wedding reception, Lisa and I fluttered around chatting to people, rediscovering our inner social butterflies. If there was a buzzword of the night, it was “Reconnection”. You do end up with the warm and fuzzies when alcohol and light hearted banter collide to make a fantastic night. And before we even talked about it the next day, Lisa and I had decided individually that this time we needed to maintain those connections. Not just let the moment pass.

Maybe it’s the timing – family has proven to be unreliable over the last couple of years. We’re probably both at the stage where we need to expand our social circles and invite more people in. By a strange co-incidence, we had a visit the next day. And though we were hung over in a serious way, we invited the couple to stay on and share a Chinese with us.

The end result, as the weekend draws to a close, is that we both feel tremendously positive and dare I say it, even a little bit younger. When we come back from holiday, we’re going to make an effort to maintain some of those connections and see what happens. Why not?

The Summer Holidays Have Begun

Yes indeed, the Summer Holidays have officially begun.

Do you remember when you had that last half-day at school? The teachers are busy tidying things up and the classroom looks bare with all the posters and paintings taken down and sent home. Instead of lessons, there’s a video to watch or you just idle about chatting with the handful of other pupils who’ve bothered to show up.

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Colonoscopy

You know how old stand-up comedians used to start their routines with “A funny thing happened on the way to the theatre…”? Well, a few weeks ago, a funny thing happened me in the airport. I took a quick trip to the bathrooms and was alarmed to discover quite a lot of blood on the toilet paper when I was finishing up. (Oh yeah, this post might ick you out a little bit.) There was more blood on the bowl, the sight of which made me the tiniest bit dizzy. Nothing like being in an airport, on your own and bleeding profusely from the back passage to cause a mild panic.

The thing is, it had happened a couple of times that week already, but this was by far the most frightening experience. And after all that’s happened in the past year with dying parents and cancer-stricken in-laws, I decided to take the sensible route and go see the doctor about the problem.

Beyond fart jokes, I’d imagine most guys don’t like talking about medical problems with their backsides. So doctors be warned – if we show up asking for you to check out our rectums, then there’s a fair bit of anxiety lurking in the background. Otherwise, we’d just shelve the problem and ignore it.

Luckily, my GP decided my symptoms were serious enough to warrant a rectal examination. Which was uncomfortable for all concerned. On reflection, I’m glad I didn’t make that quip about “Now you’ll have to marry me!” when he withdrew his fingers. Why? Because he asked if I’d been having the bum sex. Er…no mate, I’m married. With kids. “Oh well, we have to ask,” he waved the topic away. But now I’m paranoid. Do I have an ass that looks like it’s being penetrated by beefy blokes on a regular basis? Oh dear.

Anyway, this leads me swiftly on to a colonoscopy. Just to be on the safe side, the GP referred me to another doctor. We took it private and the consultant recommended a colonoscopy for piece of mind. And about £1,400. Ouch. Thankfully we have insurance we’ve been itching to spend on buttcams.

The prep was worse than the actual procedure. Not only did I have to go without food since lunchtime the previous day, but I had to take this formula which turned me into a walking human power-hose. It was horrible, and I effectively lived on the toilet for almost a whole day. Not fun.

Luckily, and to wrap up my grossest post ever, the whole procedure was over in 15 minutes, with a clean bill of health. As uncomfortable as the camera bit was, I was facing the screen, so I could see all the hot intestinal action. I did wonder for a minute before the procedure if I swallowed a tiny sign saying “You are here”, would it get far enough down to be seen on the colonoscopy!

I’m only a tiny bit miffed they didn’t offer me a DVD of the buttcam footage.

Cycling with Rachel

I had quite a Rachel-centric day today. Rachel’s our 8 going on 18 year old, a very knowing, witty and fun little girl to be around. She’s definitely picked up my sarcastic streak, and had a great knack of using it to comic effect.

First off, I came down to start breakfast with the kids. We’re trying to be better about getting up on time on weekend mornings, because the kids often slope downstairs and stuff themselves while we sleep. I mentioned in passing that I was going for a cycle, and Rachel invited herself along.

We saddled up our bikes and headed out into the country. There’s a nice, circuit that takes us out past the fields and back into town. We come back in via the biggest shop in town and pick up a paper. I was really impressed with how well she did. No stopping for breaks, no struggling with the uphills. I’d actually chosen a shorter route, thinking she wouldn’t be able for it, but damn the little girl did good!

She babbled the whole way around, which is one of the best things about doing one-on-one activities with your kids. And when we go this particular route, she always remembers a day when she was tantruming like a pro. I took her for a long walk and it really calmed her down. So now she thinks nature has fantastic relaxing properties. She might be right.

When we got back, we got stuck into our latest project. Yes, after too many hours of watching iCarly, coupled with watching her mum and dad blogging, Rach wanted to start her own website. We agreed to sit down and work out a domain name and set her up with a website. So, we sat in front of a domain name checker and thought up a few ideas. Once we came up with a good one, we registered it and then mucked about on some fonts websites looking for something cool for her ‘logo’.

It sounds ill-conceived, but we’ve had a talk with her about online security. What we’re going to do is allow her to write articles: book reviews, research and things like that. All those odd questions that crop up in her little head – she can research the answers and write an article for other people to read. It’ll be fun for her and educational. It might even form part of our plan for keeping the kids amused during the summer holidays!

Back to my main point though, which is that one on one time with the kids is a precious thing. I’m going to try cycling out with Jay as well to see how he fares. It could be a good way to keep fit and keep the kids busy. Plus, when you’re out of the house with them, away from distractions like that, they open up to you and talk about everything with you. It’s great!

How do you keep your kids amused during the summer holidays?

We’re fast approaching my most dreaded time of the year – the summer holidays. The kids are off for a full two months, the weather’s been oddly changeable lately. How are we going to keep them from driving us bonkers over the summer holidays?

Yes, consider that an open question, everybody. How can we keep the kids amused over the summer holidays?

Especially for the Work At Home mums and dads among us who need to get some work done to keep the money rolling in! How do we achieve that balance between getting our jobs done, and keeping our kids happy?

I don’t know about you, but when left to their own devices for too long, our kids tend to melt down. They’ll be alright for a little while. But soon, they’ll start to bicker and argue. Suddenly, you’re surrounded by children pointing their fingers in accusation at each other and yelling at the tops of their voices.

Is it about routine? Do we need to plan a structure for their day? Is it about throwing them outside in the morning and locking the doors between mealtimes? Is it about stuffing the work and making sure to take them on day trips every other day?

Because the summer should be about having fun. Isn’t that why we decided to work from home in the first place? But by taking on the responsibility of working from home, we still have responsibilities to our businesses.

Tell me how you intend to get around the summer holidays without going completely mad, losing your business or selling off your kids.

Time to get serious about losing weight

My wife told me that new studies suggest carrying weight around your belly is the worst place to be fat. I was never aware that you had any choice in where you carried your weight, but the news dismayed me a little bit. I’ve been developing a rather worrying pot belly for the last few years – mostly as a result of a desk-based work life combined with a really lazy diet.

There are penalties for rocking the pot bellied look: you’re at an increased risk of heart disease and diabetes. And you don’t want either of those things knocking on your door.

I’m not a doctor – just a slightly freaked-out dad/geek who’s been sitting on his ass for too many years. I’ve done a little bit of reading around the topic – here’s a good quote from a website called A Healthy Me:

Fat around the midsection is a strong risk factor for heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and even some types of cancers, says Samuel Klein, MD, the director of the Center for Human Nutrition at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis, Missouri.

Despite many years of studies — and an overabundance of potential study volunteers — experts aren’t exactly sure why people with large midsections are such frequent targets for disease. They do know that fat cells actually regulate metabolic functions, and many experts believe fat cells in the belly release especially large amounts of fatty acids, which wreak havoc on a person’s blood sugar and insulin metabolism.

Many other sites are talking about a recent study commissioned by pharmaceutical company GlaxoSmithKline called Visceral Fat and the Weight Debate which goes on to link belly fat to serious diseases. Now, that report may be in their interests (since they’re a maker of a weight loss drug), but for me it’s a kick up the ass to do something about this pot belly. Time to lose weight and tone it up. But how?

Avoid quick fixes

I’m convinced that quick fixes are a fool’s errand. Professor David Haslam, one of the authors of the Glaxo report reminds us:

Crash diets can do more harm than good. Invariably weight is put back on, with some of the weight regained accumulating as visceral fat.

My best guess is that in order to have a lasting effect on my own pot belly, I need to get some combination of better diet and increased exercise. Possibly with an emphasis on toning up that abdomainal section and burning the weight off that area.

I’m certainly not a fan of pill-based or surgical solutions. Maybe it’s my inner hippy, but I think a lifestyle change is the best way to tackle this problem. A better diet (my local Chinese restaurant will probably go out of business) and finding a way to work regular exercise into my routine has to be the way to beat this.

Losing the weight?

I’ll certainly consider doing an initial weight-in and perhaps photoblog the process as well to chart the journey. We’ll also have to consider writing some posts about healthy eating and exercise.

And if you’re a bit of a diet or exercise buff, please consider signing up and sharing your expertise with the rest of us lard arses!

Photo attribution: Tobyotter on Flickr (no, that’s not my physique!)

How to Make French Toast

I recently rediscovered the joys of French toast – a delicious mix of whisked eggs and bread, all fried to golden perfection. No, it’s not particularly healthy, but it’s a tasty treat and fills the gap if you’re not in the mood for a huge dinner.

Here’s how I make French toast – I prefer it fairly plain, but others like to add their own flavours to the mix. And I should mention that as an alternative to pan frying, you can grill the bread instead, but it’s messier and not quite as satisfyingly tasty!

Ingredients

• 2 large-ish eggs
• 2 slices white bread (I operate on the rule of 1 slice per egg)
• Ground black pepper
• Salt
• Cooking oil

Method

1. Put some oil in a large frying pan and heat on a high heat
2. Crack your eggs into a bowl and whisk them until they’re smooth
3. Add a little ground black pepper to the mix to taste
4. Dip both sides of your bread into the egg mixture and place them in the pan
5. Fry until both sides are a crisp, golden brown
6. When finished, you might want to place the toast on some kitchen roll for a minute to dry off the excess oil
7. Serve it up on a plate, add a little salt to season it and munch away.

If you’ve got any tips to improve on this, or indeed any variations on this recipe, feel free to share them in our comments area!

Communion

Rachel did her First Holy Communion yesterday, the high point of a long week of preparing the house for invasion by relatives. We are anti-houseproud. We just don’t care. Except on special occassions, then we rush around like mad things painting, decorating, cleaning and tidying.

My week has been consumed with refreshing the woodstain on our fences. They were looking especially weather-worn after we skipped a couple of years on the fencecare regimen. It took three, maybe four, days and encompassed the garden shed, which was recently discovered to have housed an entire civilisation of mice during the winter. (note: never leave newspaper in your shed – it’s great bedding material for furry critters).

In a stroke of minor genius, I took this opportunity to finally ruin a pair of jeans I should’ve thrown out months ago. Nothing like splatters of woodstain to finish off old clothing.

We both ended up in a minor frenzy because we had to put work on the back-burner for much of the preparation, then with house guests on Friday and Saturday night – our busiest night of the week, work-wise – we got next to nothing done. And when you’re self-employed, not getting any work done is a big cause for concern!

In the midst of it all, the Communion thing happened. Regular readers of this blog will know that I’m an out-and-out atheist. But that aside, I know how much of a milestone Communion is – it’s one of the first big events you experience along with the rest of your class. You’ve got a little bit older.

I remember my own Communion. Being made to stand with various classmates who I may or may not have been close to and adopt a pious joined-hands pose. The horror-story styles of early 80′s country town fashion will be evident in those photos. Thankfully, Rachel’s attire was an elegant and timeless design, so she may not be as mortified when she looks back.

They do Communion a little differently these days though. No mention of transubstantiation – the idea that the bread and wine literally become the body and blood of Christ. I was a little taken aback by this during the ceremony. I’d teased the kids about eating skin earlier in the week and they’d given me blank stares. Now I know why. I don’t know why they’ve dropped the references to “This is my body”, perhaps so as not to gross out the children, I can’t say. I do think it’s a total cop-out though, as the whole idea of Communion is that they’re ready to receive the sacrament. They should surely be ready to understand the core belief that the priest ‘magically’ transforms the bread into flesh during that ceremony.

But ho-hum, let’s drop the atheist agenda for a moment. It was still a lovely day for Rachel. She had her highs and lows, as you’d expect – lots of excitement and adrenaline in the early part of the day. I actually warned her that she’d get really tired, really quickly. She did. Some diva-behaviour ensued. I think like Lisa and myself, having a housefull of guests is bittersweet. It’s lovely to see folk and spend time with them, but there’s literally nowhere in your house that’s peaceful.

And in the end, we barely saw Rachel after we returned home. While we were busy with the adult guests, she was enjoying the bouncy castle we’d hired for the back garden and receiving visits from her friends. Today’s been so placid by comparison – after the last of the overnighters went home, we did some tidying and finally relaxed. I found myself sitting on the stairs (coolest – literally the coolest – spot in the house) reading a magazine. The Communion co-incided with a heatwave. And while the blue skies are a joy to look at, it’s three-showers-a-day hot around here!

Next week: getting back to normal. And working out what the hell we’re going to do during the summer when we’re working from home and the kids are off school.